Yes, I'm one of those ladies. I've given-up and let-go of my womanhood and scheduled the arrival of this little boy. That's how I feel on one side. On the other side, I have no desire to prove to the world that "I am woman, here me scream and push out this baby." This is the practical side of me. I'm scared to death of trying, to only fail and go into a c-section exhausted and perhaps the baby traumatized as a result of my need to push out a baby. Now, before I sound like I think all of you who try for a Vbac are crazy, because I don't, I admire you. I must say, this was somewhat medically decided for me. My doctor felt this was the wise decision.
With Thomas, after 30 hours I was at a 5 and my doctor felt I was looking at at least 5 to 10 more hours before I was even ready to push. That was if my body even continued to dilate at all. The epidural wasn't working, I was pumped full of pitosian, so the contractions were unbearable. Since Thomas was born, I've been told by two doctor's that because of the way my hips are built I probably wouldn't have been able to push out a baby (especially with the size head of Thomas!).
So, the first experience, my fear of trying and having a c-section anyways, all ended with the decision to schedule a c-section. I am now at peace with this decision, but part of me is still wondering what it would be like, could I do it, should I just suck it up and try... but I will rest in the wisdom of the doctors and the knowledge that I and many others prayed faithfully before arriving at this decision. I am choosing to look at the perks of having this arrival schedule and keep counting down.
So that is where I am at with my decision and the up coming birth of this little one. And besides, seriously, if you know me, you know how I like things nicely scheduled and planned out.
If you think of it, please pray for peace and anxious feelings as we have just over 4 weeks before we meet this little guy. Also, for us to decide on a name, poor little guy!
1 comment:
Katharine, how exacting that you know the day your baby boy will be born. It will be that much easier to prepare Thomas and include him in prayers for Mommy and Baby Brother the night before. I am glad you have found (are finding) peace in the decision to repeat your c-section. I think lots of unnecessary pressure is put on Mom's do deliver their baby one certain way. The most important thing is that your son arrives healthy and in God's perfect timing. So rest easy, Mama. You are going to do great! We are praying for you all.
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